Hot New Fitness Trend Sweeps Nation!

Friday, August 22nd, 2014 at 9:00 PM
Hot New Fitness Trend Sweeps Nation! by Cory Vaillancourt
prancercise.com

As you all probably know by now, I'm kind of a health nut. And as such, I'm always on the lookout for the Hot New Fitness Trend. Obsessively. Single-mindedly. Unceasingly.

Also, I love horses. But as a busy professional and single father who doesn't have a lot of "me" time, I need to make the most out of my day.

That's why I Prancercise. In fact, I've been Prancercising for some time now, and for those of you who have seen me in person lately, you know I'm not "horsing around."

Prancercise was concocted by the not-even-slightly insane Joanna Rohrback of (where else) Boca Raton, Fla. It is a form of exercise that involves running around moronically in both the manner of and the company of horses. Actual horses.

Joanna's fitness scheme not only espouses envisioning ourselves "as a beautiful animal that’s a symbol of beauty, strength and endurance while we’re exercising in order to free our minds of any self image that may be less appealing," but she also espouses that you should be "striving to be the best 'ME' you can be!!"

She's quite an espouser, that Joanna Rohrback; however, that double exclamation point at the end of that last quote indicates that Joanna is genuinely excited; she's excited because she doesn't just espouse, she embodies.

And she's proven herself. Her first video exploded onto the scene (by which I mean it didn't explode onto anything) almost two years ago - not long before I became a devotee - and so I, ummm... devoted my life to prancing around in a field like a literal and metaphorical jackass.

But hey, I feel great. Yeah. Very great.

That's why I'm here to share the gospel with you, bretheren (and sisteren)! I may be chased from pastures around the county by shotgun-wielding patriots 6 nights a week, but as a result I'm faster, more flexible, and stronger than I've ever been. So if you want to be as badass as I am, put on huge hoop earrings, a chunky white necklace, a tight white clubbin' shirt, your oldest pair of black Stretch Pants, ankleweights, and a belt with a really abstract buckle, then prepare to flit about some farm field with gigantic equestrians who could end your very existence with one errant kick. 

 

Cory Vaillancourt is a brilliant writer/ complete hack and and be complimented/heckled at cVaillancourt@ErieReader.com. Follow him on Twitter @VLNCRT, For more information on Prancercising, visit www.Prancercise.com or check out a bunch more ridiculous videos at www.youtube.com/user/Prancercise

 

 

 

 

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IN THIS ISSUE

The rise of the local microdistillery

Are you there, Erie? 

Bargaining for a decision

Crawford, Erie County fairs pull their weight in entertainment value

Music and culture galore define festivities

Witness Goodell Gardens and Homestead's first large-scale monarch butterfly release at the Monarch Butterfly Migration Celebration.

Each Demo album Wave Trails makes is more fleshed out than the last.

How to turn unassuming grains into an intoxicating beverage.

New coach Longstaff preaches player development 

One of those wood guitars