Upfront: Hyper-links: A Contest!

Categories:      Opinion
Wednesday, August 17th, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Upfront: Hyper-links: A Contest! by Cory Vaillancourt
blog.viglink.com

Notice something? If not, you might be colorblind. And I certainly mean no offense to the colorblind; today, people suffering from colorblindness, or color vision deficiency as it is more accurately called, are able to lead normal lives as functional members of society. According to the NAACBP- the National Association for the Advancement of Color Blind People, “Color blind people are awesome! They may color their Santa's [sic] brown, run red lights, and wear blue and black socks together, but they are often hard working, diligent people who silently suffer the discriminations and limitations of their most unfortunate handicap. Not to mention, the [sic] are entirely misunderstood and frequently derided by color seeing people for their unique color perceptions.”

If you still haven’t noticed anything special about this page, you might also be underlineblind, in which case, there is not yet a national association for you. However, as you’ve probably discovered, every word in this article is linked to another web page. I throw hyperlinks in my writing occasionally, but usually I try to be sparse with them because I’m afraid that too many can take away from the message the writer is trying to get across to the reader. Like right now. You’re not paying attention at all, are you? You probably wouldn’t notice if I just started talking about bacon, would you?

So here’s one thing I noticed about bacon: you save the bacon fat when you’re done making bacon. Every single time. Pour it into a large Tupperware container, and start yourself a collection. Note- keep it in the freezer; use bacon fat as a substitute any time you would normally use healthy, delicious butter (omlettes, salads, coffee, toast, pies, bacon, etc).

Since I’ve noticed that you’re pretty hung up on this bacon thing, I will now slip in a little reward for those of you who have been able to use your mind powers to resist the distractions strategically placed throughout this article: the links on this page are not all for naught. Think of it as a puzzle; hidden amongst these five hundred hyperlinks is a very special hyperlink taking you to a very special page. The first Reader reader to find that page and email it to me will win a very special prize. When you click one of the links, you will be taken directly to another page in this same window. When you’re ready, click the “back” button on your internet browser to return here and pick up where you left off. No two links are the same. And they’re all safe for work*. Kid friendly too**. So fire away. Don’t worry, you’ll know it when you see it. So get cracking- or if you’re at work right now, get slacking. Once you think you’ve found it, email me at the address below and I’ll let you know if you’ve won the prize! And, as you’ve noticed by now, I use the word notice a lot in this piece. Thanks for noticing.

Terms and Conditions: Upfront is not liable for any injuries, emotional or physical, incurred in the competition. Not valid in all 50 states. Open to US residents only. Okay, Canadians too, but that’s it. Winner will be announced whenever Upfront gets to it, so don’t bug Upfront about it, OK? Special prize may or may not be real. *”safe for work” assumes you work somewhere that you can slack for hours on end without anyone noticing, and you have headphones or speakers. **”kid friendly” assumes your kids are at least 7 years of age and can differentiate between reality and fantasy- which is asking kind of a lot of most adults.

Cory Vaillancourt is a brilliant writer/complete hack and can be complimented/heckled at cVaillancourt@ErieReader.com.

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IN THIS ISSUE

Now serving up good vibes on State Street

Fighting for change in our most vulnerable communities.

Running into a blazing building can be ‘terrifying,’ but some choose to do it, anyway. 

Here are three good opportunities to lighten up as the nights grow longer.

Dancing Wheels bring a world premiere to Mercyhurst.

Shapeshift With Me, relative to the band’s spectacular catalog as a whole, is certainly one of their less powerful studio albums.

Grate every road in downtown Erie all at once.

Some ‘multigrain’ bread has a little more protein than you’d like. 

Don’t just dream it. Be it!

If De Palmas trip down memory lane whets your appetite, come back to the museum for one of his most underrated movies a week later.