Erie Makes News! (Sort Of)

Category:  News & Politics
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014 at 4:08 PM
Erie Makes News! (Sort Of) by Cory Vaillancourt
TheOnion.com

Proving once again that fiction is often more real than reality itself, national fake-news publication The Onion has set its sights squarely on Erie and Mayor Joe Sinnott in a brilliantly-timed story issued earlier today. 

Regular readers of The Onion are probably no stranger to the fictional character Don Turnbee, the Erie everyman whose thoughts seem to consist only of fast food. However, in light of City Councilman Dave Brennan's op-ed in last Sunday's Erie Times-News regarding "community benefit agreements," the ongoing discussions over the future of the former GAF site, and the flurry of bayfront hotels that seem to be sprouting like mushrooms, one has to wonder if there's secretly an Onion writer lurking in our midst.

"Mayor Hits On Crazy Idea Of Developing City’s Waterfront, Green Spaces" is pretty standard fare for The Onion, hysterically detailing Sinnott's "admittedly crazy" idea of drastically remaking the Bayfront. The short story comes complete with fake quotes from Sinnott along the lines of, "I’ve got this strange feeling there might be some sort of upside to converting our unused and blighted lakefront into a family- and business-friendly hub of the community."

Even better, City Council President Mel Witherspoon gets name-checked as well, and weighs in with an absolutely hysterical quote. 

Read The Onion's original story here

Cory Vaillancourt is a brilliant writer/complete hack and can be complimented/heckled at cVaillancourt@erieReader.com. Follow him on Twitter @VLNCRT

 

Erie Reader: Vol. 6, No. 19
Now Available — Pick It Up Today

CURRENT

100 years of drama, music, laughter, and family. 

A longtime local car-parts sculptor gets Ripley’s acclaim for his delightfully out-there art.

A call to save nursing jobs and chemotherapy infusion services at the Regional Cancer Center. 

Stop by VegFest 2016 and discover the fun in a plant-based lifestyle.

On Sept. 25, Mary Halvorson brings her current duo project, Secret Keeper, featuring bassist Stephan Crump, to Erie’s PACA.

IN THIS ISSUE

100 years of drama, music, laughter, and family. 

A longtime local car-parts sculptor gets Ripley’s acclaim for his delightfully out-there art.

A call to save nursing jobs and chemotherapy infusion services at the Regional Cancer Center. 

Stop by VegFest 2016 and discover the fun in a plant-based lifestyle.

On Sept. 25, Mary Halvorson brings her current duo project, Secret Keeper, featuring bassist Stephan Crump, to Erie’s PACA.

The Colony Plaza parking lot will transform into an outdoor shopping and socializing event called Parking Lot Palooza.

This is the fourth album for Cleveland punk quartet Signals Midwest, and it might be their best yet. 

Fairness and justice take center stage in our commonwealth.

Handy emojis for Erie texting.

Audit looming? No problem. Just use accounting ‘adjustments,’ like the Department of the Army.