Mayberry Update

Mt. Airy, N.C. - Disturbing new details are emerging in the continuing story of the violence that has overtaken Mayberry, N.C. today, the Erie Reader has learned.

Someone on the scene, identified only as "B," reports that a young, red-headed child known by the possibly gang-related moniker "O.P." has eaten at least three faces already and shows no signs of stopping.

"Oh lawdy, I do declare!" said "B," whose identity is being shielded for their own protection. "That boy done gone smoked up all my bath salts and a-took to chewin' on people's faces. Why, poor Mr. Pyle down at the service station, his face ain't no longer nothin' but a pizza -pie without the cheese! Now, how's he supposta go a-courtin' with his face all ate off?"

"B" became extremely distraught before ending the report. "I recon I better set a spell afore I catch the vapors," said "B."

The riots in the normally-tranquil Mayberry seem to stem from the sudden death of long-serving and well-liked Sheriff Andy Taylor early this morning.

Stay tuned to the Erie Reader all night long as we continue to keep you informed on the latest developments in this ongoing story. And may God help Mayberry.

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