Mayberry Update

Category:  BloggERy
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012 at 9:32 PM
Mayberry Update by Cory Vaillancourt
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Mt. Airy, N.C. - Disturbing new details are emerging in the continuing story of the violence that has overtaken Mayberry, N.C. today, the Erie Reader has learned.

Someone on the scene, identified only as "B," reports that a young, red-headed child known by the possibly gang-related moniker "O.P." has eaten at least three faces already and shows no signs of stopping.

"Oh lawdy, I do declare!" said "B," whose identity is being shielded for their own protection. "That boy done gone smoked up all my bath salts and a-took to chewin' on people's faces. Why, poor Mr. Pyle down at the service station, his face ain't no longer nothin' but a pizza -pie without the cheese! Now, how's he supposta go a-courtin' with his face all ate off?"

"B" became extremely distraught before ending the report. "I recon I better set a spell afore I catch the vapors," said "B."

The riots in the normally-tranquil Mayberry seem to stem from the sudden death of long-serving and well-liked Sheriff Andy Taylor early this morning.

Stay tuned to the Erie Reader all night long as we continue to keep you informed on the latest developments in this ongoing story. And may God help Mayberry.

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IN THIS ISSUE

Local politicians Breneman and Brennan unite to engage the community and combat Erie’s east side blight.

 

Erie stands with Standing Rock 

Barbara and Julian Stanczak at Mercyhurst University’s Cummings Gallery

Erie will become a “Broadway Christmas Wonderland” for just one night.

Australian musician Joe Robinson will play a special performance for one night only at PACA.

Black America Again addresses many social issues that tie into one overall message: freedom. 

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Standing in solidarity with communities targeted in the 2016 election. 

Aqueous returns to the Kings Rook Club fresh off the release of a new album and heavy touring.

The Mercyhurst Dance Department will perform ’Tis the Season, featuring “The Nutcracker Suite.”