Upfront: Something's Rotten in Denmark

Categories:      News & Politics
Thursday, July 7th, 2011 at 5:56 PM
Upfront: Something's Rotten in Denmark by Cory Vaillancourt
Jeremy Vandel/Flickr

First Clown: …here's a corpse now; this corpse has lain in the earth just a few short days.

HAMLET: Whose was it?

First Clown: A cantina and grill’s, it was: whose do you think it was?

HAMLET: Nay, I know not.

First Clown: A pestilence on him for his pork shanks! He poured a flagon of Corona on my head once. This same corpse, sir, was Senor Coyote’s, in Modern Tool.

HAMLET: This?

First Clown: Even that.

HAMLET: Let me see. Alas, Senor Coyote! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite rest, of most egregious fallacy. He hath served me his flan a thousand times. And now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here sat those beers that I have drank I know not how oft. Where be your beers now? Your burritos? Your flan? Your Buffalo’d chicken wings, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own howling? Quite chap-fallen? Now get you to me a quesadilla, and tell him, let him build it an inch thick, to this table he must come; make him garnish that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.

HORATIO: What's that, my lord?

HAMLET: Dost thou think Marketplace Grill looked of this fashion in the earth?

HORATIO: Even so.

HAMLET: And smelt so? Pah!

HORATIO: Even so, my lord.

HAMLET: To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why did not Coyote face the noble dust of Marketplace, till he found it plugging his beer-tap?

HORATIO: 'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.

HAMLET: No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as thus: Marketplace died, Marketplace was buried, Marketplace returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam, whereto he was converted, might they not stop a Coyote?

Senor Coyote’s dead and turn'd to clay,

Another restaurant has gone away:

O, Third and State, can you inspire awe,

Instead of surprising us with some fatal flaw!

 

Cory Vaillancourt is a brilliant writer/complete hack and can be complimented/heckled at cVaillancourt@ErieReader.com.

Erie Reader: Vol. 7, No. 2
Now Available — Pick It Up Today

CURRENT

Warner upgrades highlight an optimistic outlook for 2017 and beyond.

Cultivating a woman’s spirit of entrepreneurism

Red, wild, and blue

Join Erie Reader photojournalist Maitham Basha-Agha, and local photographer Erica Whiting on a two-hour photo exhibition.

Erie’s own pop punk quartet, Jurassic Skatepark, are releasing their latest EP, Dog Years.

IN THIS ISSUE

Warner upgrades highlight an optimistic outlook for 2017 and beyond.

Cultivating a woman’s spirit of entrepreneurism

Red, wild, and blue

Join Erie Reader photojournalist Maitham Basha-Agha, and local photographer Erica Whiting on a two-hour photo exhibition.

Erie’s own pop punk quartet, Jurassic Skatepark, are releasing their latest EP, Dog Years.

Yuri quickly establishes itself as an incredibly enjoyable record from the beginning.

Ron Bayuzick brings a grand gesture to the Erie Art Museum.

Tommy in Toon: Weather

28 North takes the gastropub high road

Michael Plasha: yoga teacher