Upfront: Something's Rotten in Denmark

Categories:      News & Politics
Thursday, July 7th, 2011 at 5:56 PM
Upfront: Something's Rotten in Denmark by Cory Vaillancourt
Jeremy Vandel/Flickr

First Clown: …here's a corpse now; this corpse has lain in the earth just a few short days.

HAMLET: Whose was it?

First Clown: A cantina and grill’s, it was: whose do you think it was?

HAMLET: Nay, I know not.

First Clown: A pestilence on him for his pork shanks! He poured a flagon of Corona on my head once. This same corpse, sir, was Senor Coyote’s, in Modern Tool.

HAMLET: This?

First Clown: Even that.

HAMLET: Let me see. Alas, Senor Coyote! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite rest, of most egregious fallacy. He hath served me his flan a thousand times. And now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here sat those beers that I have drank I know not how oft. Where be your beers now? Your burritos? Your flan? Your Buffalo’d chicken wings, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own howling? Quite chap-fallen? Now get you to me a quesadilla, and tell him, let him build it an inch thick, to this table he must come; make him garnish that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.

HORATIO: What's that, my lord?

HAMLET: Dost thou think Marketplace Grill looked of this fashion in the earth?

HORATIO: Even so.

HAMLET: And smelt so? Pah!

HORATIO: Even so, my lord.

HAMLET: To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why did not Coyote face the noble dust of Marketplace, till he found it plugging his beer-tap?

HORATIO: 'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.

HAMLET: No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as thus: Marketplace died, Marketplace was buried, Marketplace returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam, whereto he was converted, might they not stop a Coyote?

Senor Coyote’s dead and turn'd to clay,

Another restaurant has gone away:

O, Third and State, can you inspire awe,

Instead of surprising us with some fatal flaw!

 

Cory Vaillancourt is a brilliant writer/complete hack and can be complimented/heckled at cVaillancourt@ErieReader.com.

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IN THIS ISSUE

100 years of drama, music, laughter, and family. 

A longtime local car-parts sculptor gets Ripley’s acclaim for his delightfully out-there art.

A call to save nursing jobs and chemotherapy infusion services at the Regional Cancer Center. 

Stop by VegFest 2016 and discover the fun in a plant-based lifestyle.

On Sept. 25, Mary Halvorson brings her current duo project, Secret Keeper, featuring bassist Stephan Crump, to Erie’s PACA.

The Colony Plaza parking lot will transform into an outdoor shopping and socializing event called Parking Lot Palooza.

This is the fourth album for Cleveland punk quartet Signals Midwest, and it might be their best yet. 

Fairness and justice take center stage in our commonwealth.

Handy emojis for Erie texting.

Audit looming? No problem. Just use accounting ‘adjustments,’ like the Department of the Army.