Upfront: Something's Rotten in Denmark

Categories:      News & Politics
Thursday, July 7th, 2011 at 5:56 PM
Upfront: Something's Rotten in Denmark by Cory Vaillancourt
Jeremy Vandel/Flickr

First Clown: …here's a corpse now; this corpse has lain in the earth just a few short days.

HAMLET: Whose was it?

First Clown: A cantina and grill’s, it was: whose do you think it was?

HAMLET: Nay, I know not.

First Clown: A pestilence on him for his pork shanks! He poured a flagon of Corona on my head once. This same corpse, sir, was Senor Coyote’s, in Modern Tool.

HAMLET: This?

First Clown: Even that.

HAMLET: Let me see. Alas, Senor Coyote! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite rest, of most egregious fallacy. He hath served me his flan a thousand times. And now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here sat those beers that I have drank I know not how oft. Where be your beers now? Your burritos? Your flan? Your Buffalo’d chicken wings, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own howling? Quite chap-fallen? Now get you to me a quesadilla, and tell him, let him build it an inch thick, to this table he must come; make him garnish that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.

HORATIO: What's that, my lord?

HAMLET: Dost thou think Marketplace Grill looked of this fashion in the earth?

HORATIO: Even so.

HAMLET: And smelt so? Pah!

HORATIO: Even so, my lord.

HAMLET: To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why did not Coyote face the noble dust of Marketplace, till he found it plugging his beer-tap?

HORATIO: 'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.

HAMLET: No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as thus: Marketplace died, Marketplace was buried, Marketplace returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam, whereto he was converted, might they not stop a Coyote?

Senor Coyote’s dead and turn'd to clay,

Another restaurant has gone away:

O, Third and State, can you inspire awe,

Instead of surprising us with some fatal flaw!

 

Cory Vaillancourt is a brilliant writer/complete hack and can be complimented/heckled at cVaillancourt@ErieReader.com.

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A conversation with former White House Chief of Staff Andy Card 

 

JazzErie will continue to please enthusiasts by hosting Bobby Selvaggio and Red Rhinoceros at the Erie Art Museum.

The acclaimed Broadway musical Kinky Boots is stepping up to Erie’s Warner Theatre.

IN THIS ISSUE

Extraordinary histories across canvases of skin

A conversation with former White House Chief of Staff Andy Card 

 

JazzErie will continue to please enthusiasts by hosting Bobby Selvaggio and Red Rhinoceros at the Erie Art Museum.

The acclaimed Broadway musical Kinky Boots is stepping up to Erie’s Warner Theatre.

 Flower Crown’s debut LP is an utterly gorgeous piece.

Restoring the stories of women who matter 

 

A conversation with journalist Philip Rucker 

Harrisburg does good

Suburbicon spends too much time winking at its own cleverness to be an entertaining story.

On November 15th, Teddy Rankin will be performing with his father, Glenn, at The Colony.

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